hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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