The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
