I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
