oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
