I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
