Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
