i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I wear drunk well.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize