3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
