Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
