If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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