Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
