You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
