you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
