Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
