for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
