Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
