Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
