sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
