There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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