so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
