i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize