i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
