you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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