you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
