he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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