So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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