i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think your dad took our porno
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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