please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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