Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
