just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
