If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
