Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
