I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
