Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
