There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
