i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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