You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
