he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
