So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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