Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
