The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Alive.
So much puke
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
