I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
