hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
