Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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