My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
