Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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