i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
