eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
