Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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