I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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