you traded sex for a burrito?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
