Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
