I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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