"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize