Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't notice because vodka
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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