Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
