dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
