im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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