the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
