you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
