I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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