I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
