Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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